These Are The Voyages of the Stress-ship Enterprise

Weasel Erotica opens in a week and, although I think the show is shaping up quite nicely, personally I’m a wreck. This always happens as I lead into a show and I wish I knew how to prevent it. It’s part and parcel being a low-budget off-off Broadway producer I guess … especially when it’s such a gamble that you’ll draw an audience and make at least a portion of the money back. It’s also part and parcel of being an actor with a day job, preventing you from getting the little tiny things done in your personal life that should be done. My house is a wreck, my kitchen sink is overflowing with dirty dishes, the laundry needs to get done at some point in time, I haven’t even so much as carried on a conversation with anybody not directly involved in either the play or work. I’m running low on sleep and high on anxiety.

And, as fate would have it, the one good thing that was going on in my personal life turns out to be a sham. A lie. A deception. Y'know, dishonesty is a terrible foundation for any relationship. Nothing quite like finding out the beauty in your life was all a facade ... a mirage that you thought was your oasis. It's even worse when you stumble upon the truth unknowingly. Ah well, a little betrayal builds character, right?

I deserved better than that!

Don’t get me wrong … I was fully aware of what I was getting myself into with this show. I was fully aware of the sacrifices that would have to be made. I was fully aware of the big ball of stress that was going to run over me. And still I pushed forward … slightly ill-prepared and praying for the best. A month from now the show will be winding down and the process of recovery will begin. Hopefully the personal recovery will be well on it's way as well. And once fully recovered, I’ll probably dive right back into this ocean of uncertainty. Makes you wonder if I have psychological issues that need to be addressed.

Addictive Personality

As much as it pains me to admit it, I have an addictive personality. I hate using labels to describe anyone, much less myself, but I can kind of see where this one might be accurate. Caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, fried food … love ‘em all. In fact, I truly believe that there is nothing quite as special as sitting at the IHOP eating fried eggs and bacon, guzzling coffee and chain-smoking after a night of heavy drinking. All addictions being addressed at once … glorious! Luckily I’ve never really had any interest in becoming a junkie or anything … but hey, how could I possibly afford it? The caffeine, nicotine, alcohol and fried food are already driving me into bankruptcy.

Now, I realize this may not be the most healthy behavior I could subject myself to. And true, I don’t really do it all that often. But man … it’s great! Maybe it’s just that I like breakfast …

Some have even commented on the amount I work (I have been called a workaholic on more than one occasion) and said that was a sign of an addiction … I’m addicted to work. Addicted to work? You’ve got to be kidding.

Some addictions smack you in the face (the cigarettes give you cancer, the bottle gives you alcohol poisoning, the girl had another guy on the side the entire time) and make you want to give them up for good. My problem has always been that I need more smacking than the average guy.

Baby Hippos in the News

Found this online today and had to share it:

Love of hippo comes full cycle

Thursday, July 27, 2006

By GEORGE GRAHAM, The Republican, MA

RUSSELL - When Geoff L. Stevens spotted Tiny Bubbles' picture on the Internet this summer, he stared in recognition.

That jaunty pose and toothy grin were virtually unchanged from their first encounter 16 years ago in a Boston art gallery.

Unchanged because Tiny is a life-sized baby hippopotamus made out of paper mache.

Stevens longed to buy the hippo in 1990 but was living in a small Springfield apartment and didn't have the space.

"When I saw him in the gallery I said, 'This is it,'" Stevens said, recounting that long-ago day.

Stevens periodically visited Pavo Real gallery to check in on the hippo, once he even took a picture of his sister posing with it.

"But one time I stopped in and he was gone," Stevens said. "I thought that was the end of it, and I would never come across him again."

Sixteen years later, Stevens, now married and living in Russell, ran a search of "life-sized" items on eBay last month and rediscovered his long-lost hippo.

Stevens collects life-sized human and animal caricatures, and they can be seen throughout the home he shares with his wife, Michelle.

Stevens cast a last-minute bid of $500 on the online auction Web site. It turned out to be the only bid, and the hippo's New Hampshire owner, who had dubbed it Tiny Bubbles, delivered it to Russell the very next day.

The lifelike hippo now stands on a table in the foyer of the Stevens home, offering its toothy grin to all who enter.

At least three giraffes and a half-dozen or so life-sized human caricatures seemingly look on with approval from the living room and upper heights of the foyer.

Michelle Stevens was most diplomatic when asked about her husband's unusual collection.

"It's nice I guess," she said. "We definitely have different tastes in art."

Oddly enough, Russell has been a hotbed of life-sized animal sculpture news this summer.

Artist E. Gayle Shanley-Fitzsimmons recently decorated a life-sized fiberglass cow, which is currently on display, with about 100 others, along the Freedom Trail in Boston.

Psst, Geoff ... All those cows are slated to be auctioned off in October, half at live auction and rest on eBay, to benefit the Jimmy Fund and the Dana Farber Cancer Institute.

Mid-Rehearsal Love Fest

Two weeks from now Weasel Erotica will have opened, the stress of getting a show up will have subsided and I'll be drinking a glass of champagne toasting the success and/or failure of another opening night. I will have stared down the paralyzing power of stage fright once again and come out successful (one of these days I won't be so lucky) and sweaty. I will put my arms around sister Melissa Jo and tell her we did it again ... just what "it" is may still remain a mystery. I will let out a giant sigh of relief.

But that's two weeks away. What happens between now and then frightens the hell out of me. There is just so much still to be done. A million little details that have to be addressed. A million little things that can (and some will) go wrong. Hell week is upon us, and it's two weeks long!

So, before my nerves become completely frayed, now is the time to compliment my castmates, my family and express the sheer pride I have in working with these folks and watching them bring this silly little vision to life:

I have to start with my brother Matt 'Mo' Talent (Mo Talent because he has mo' talent that you!) who is always a joy and a pleasure to work with. He works harder than just about any other actor/comedian I know and never lets out a word of discouragement. He's the guy always there with a pat on the back ... while I'm the guy who always needs the pat on the back. Matt has a simple and pure charm that makes him such a joy to watch on stage. A kinetic energy with a devious glint in his eye. Whenever I work with him I warn the rest of the cast that he's the one who's likely to run away with the show ... and he most frequently does. I expect the same to hold true on opening night.

Not a brother by blood, but a brother by spirit is Tony King. This show is something of a challenge for Tony because he's playing a guy who borders on being milquetoast, something that Tony certainly is not. Tony is a proud and handsome Southerner (just like his big brother by another mother) who exudes charm on stage. For us he serves as a perfect straight man, but a straight man that the audience wants to root for. In the spirit of Noel Coward, he's the poor sap stuck in the middle of extraordinary circumstances. It takes a special talent and spirit to pull that off ... and Tony is loaded with talent and spirit.

Next on the love fest list is my favorite "Opera Girl." Rebecca Sponseller is my hero. She has no shame (which is a requirement in this show and something I readily identify with) and an innate ability to steal a scene. She is my Margaret Dumont ... and those who know me well know that I can hand out no higher compliment.

Filling out the role that I wrote with Maureen O'Sullivan in mind is Amy Kersten, a remarkable comedic actress who always finds the time to offend me in some shape, way, form or fashion. She takes after my baby sister. I hadn't realized until recently how much this show hinges on her role and I can't express how lucky we were to find Amy. She's the kind of talent that you admire (but secretly feel jealous about) and the kind of girl that you could have a crush on if she wasn't such a ball-buster. But the Talent Brothers have long been known to have a healthy respect for the ball-buster.

I didn't know Jeremy Sykes from Adam, but I trusted Mel when she told me, "Hey, I know this guy that would be perfect for our villain." And that he is. A cross between Snidely Whiplash and Harvey Korman. This show needs that element of 1930's melodrama to it and Jeremy has that in spades. Talented guy ... check out one of his paintings right here ... just hope he doesn't walk out on us when he sees the costume we have planned for him.

How do you cast a sexy seductress but not wind up with a diva bitch on wheels? That was one of our concerns going into auditions for this show. We found the answer and her name is Anne McDaniels. A buddy of mine saw a picture of this beauty and former NFL cheerleader and said, "I bet she's hard to work with." What a misconception. Why do other actors want to hate the beautiful? There are very few more professional, down-to-earth, pleasant actresses out there. She is a delight and certainly lifts the show's sexy quotient to new heights.

Zoo Girls play a special role in my heart where this play is concerned. Okay, outside of this play none of us would have any idea what a reference to a Zoo Girl is. How special? Those closest to me would recognize how special by the characters' names ... Ray-Ray and Kitty. Those weren't just random names chosen out of a hat, were they? Ray-Ray is Jennifer Sandella ... a bundle of smart and sexy quirkiness. She brings a special rhythm and charm to the show that is irreplaceable. Her willingness to dive in, try anything and never let that fear of looking silly get in the way makes her one of us ... after all, that's the Talent Brother credo.

What is it about little blonde girls from Oklahoma that I enjoy so much? (Get your mind out of the gutter ... there's only room enough for mine!) Ah, the girls from Sooner country are a special breed. Our Okie plays Kitty and her name is Kimi Winkler. She's a talented former college cheerleader (how did we wind up with two cheerleaders in our show?) that is a lovely and lively breeze (strike that, whirlwind) of fresh air! An enticing wave of energy that rolls over all of us and, I am sure, will role over the audience.

Finally, I can't hand out any kudos without mentioning my sister Mel. The reason this show will succeed is Melissa Jo Talent ... point blank. Granted I had to beg and plead and implore her to even consider directing this thing, but all that begging is paying off handsomely ... just as I knew it would. I don't know that there are people who I love, admire and respect as much as Mel. I think the majority of the cast feels the same. So, while I can praise the rest of my castmates, my highest praise is reserved for my little sister. Superb ... she is just superb. I am proud to have her as my director, my family, my comrade and my friend.

So, there's my little love-fest for the actors in the show. For those of you actually reading my blog, remember this praise. Because I imagine I'm going to become an unbearable a$$hole over the next two weeks. Let Hell Week begin!

King's Code of Ethics

I have already received a little response to my previous post and several folks have asked me to clarify what my own personal code of ethics is. Okay, here goes. This may not be all-encompassing, but it's a shot:

1) Never hold a prejudice against another based on race, color, creed, religion, national origin or sexual orientation. Always hold a prejudice against the selfish, lazy, closed-minded and blatantly stupid.

2) There is no such thing as a failure who keeps trying. Success deserves reward. Failure deserves encouragement.

3) Wear your heart on your sleeve. Never be protected. Hurt equals growth. Fear stunts it. The protected are never truly happy.

4) If you have something negative to say, so long as it doesn't seriously hurt or offend another, say it. Maybe we're itching for a fight and we'll feel better afterwards.

5) So long as you do not break the law nor hurt another, do anything and everything that comes to mind. If you want to stand on your head in a crowded bar, then by all means, do so. If you want to eat a shoe for dinner, cook it up!

6) You are superior to no one. No one is superior to you.

7) When in a crowded room, remember that everybody in that room can do something you only wish you could do.

8) Always reinforce positive emotions. If you love somebody, tell them. Hug them. Kiss them. Never reinforce negative emotions ... they will soon subside. Relish the success, the skills, the abilities of others.

9) Sacrifice for your fellow man. Rejoice in their beauty. Be grateful for all gifts, big and small.

10) Drink at least one caffeinated beverage a day.

11) Never forget that love and loyalty go hand in hand.

12) No matter what you do, no matter the limitations life has put on you, always strive for excellence.

Yup ... I'm a Dog!

I'm loyal to a fault. Well, that may not be exactly true, but I'm as loyal as a dog. I mention that from time to time ... that I'm just like a dog. Ironically, I was born in the year of the dog and although I have never gone in for any of that mumbo-jumbo, most things that I have read regarding Chinese astrology and the year of the dog are pretty spot on. Here's a description of a Dog from good-old Astrology.com:

In the West, the Dog is man's best friend, but in Chinese Astrology this Sign is a little more unpredictable than that. Dogs are loyal, faithful and honest and always stick to their firm codes of ethics. However, this Sign has trouble trusting others. It's generally quite trustworthy itself -- except for the occasional "little white lies" the Dog tells in order to make things go more smoothly. The Dog makes a wonderful, discreet and loyal friend (despite any white lies) and is an excellent listener. This Sign tends to root for the underdog and its keen sense of right and wrong makes it duty-bound to the core. The Dog's mantra seems to be, Live right, look out for the little people and fight injustice whenever possible.

Dogs can also be rather dogmatic, too. They don't go in for light social banter; instead, they go straight for home, expostulating on the topics that are most important to them. At these times the Dog's narrow-minded or stubborn side can become apparent; this Sign has trouble staying light and calm when an important issue is at stake. This Sign can also be very temperamental; mood swings characterize its emotional life and often the Dog needs to run off to be alone in order to recuperate. Part of the problem is the result of this Sign's load of irrational fears that turn into niggling anxieties that turn into hurt feelings and occasional grouchiness. This sensitive Sign needs to warm up to others over time and gradually learn to trust them. Without that trust as a foundation, Dogs can be judgmental and coarse.

The Dog's discerning nature does make it an excellent business person, one who can turn that picky, guarded nature into a keen sense of the truth of another's motives. Where love is concerned, Dogs often have a tough time finding the right match. They can be so anxious and overwrought in the romance dance that they'll stress their partner to the max! In any forum, this Sign is happiest when able to be quite physically active; at home or at work, the Dog will always be constructing something new or cleaning something up in order to make things better. Dogs need to work on controlling their irrational worries and would also be well-served to relax their mile-high standards, which can sometimes wind up alienating the ones they love.

It may not be completely spot on, but it's pretty darn close. The topic of loyalty and my own personal code of ethics is what brings this topic up. My code of ethics? Stand by my side (even just a little) and I'll die for you, turn away from me for even a moment and you're dead to me. You gotta pet this dog every once in a while if you want to keep him on the porch!

I am loyal and I expect others (friends and loved ones) to be loyal to me. Unfortunately I am all-too-frequently disappointed in this regard. Once someone shows a sign of disloyalty to me, I become the rabid dog. I do have mood swings and they are almost always brought on by a loved one turning (even unintentionally) on me. I am often filled with anxieties ... as I write this I'm an emotional wreck ... that simply need to be pacified. If you love me, remind me of that on occasion. If you want to survive a relationship with me then at least make sure I make you're list of Top Ten Favorite Things.

I don't like, nor do I appreciate, being the object of your affection only when it is convenient. If my loyalty to you causes me to go out of my way to demonstrate it, then I expect the same in return. I don't do acquaintances.

What Makes You Happy?

Everybody has periods of unhappiness, right? Sometimes I find myself in the middle of one of those periods and I ask myself, "what makes you happy?" Seems like it should be an easy question to answer, but it’s not. If it was, we wouldn't have a growing industry devoted to the prescription of medications for depression. So, I turned to a group of experts. The following is from the University of Arkansas Cooperative Extension Service with my comments in parenthesis:

"Would winning the lottery make you happy? (Hell, yeah!) Not likely. (Liar!) According to David G. Myers, a happiness researcher, money does not buy happiness. (Hey, Mr. Myers, you obviously have never met me!) Rich people are no more happy than people with average incomes. In addition, older people are neither less nor more happy than young people. And men have no advantage over women. (No joke?) So who is happy?

"Only about 10-15 percent Americans identify themselves as truly happy. (Ironically, the poverty rate in America, as cited in the Census Bureau’s 2005 report is 13.5 percent, so maybe money doesn’t make you happy?) Certain personality traits, such as extroversion (got it), agreeableness (working on it), and conscientiousness (uhm ...), are related to happiness. However, in the right situation, anyone can be happy.

"Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (How happy can he be? He has a name nobody can spell or pronounce.) has observed that people are most satisfied with life when their work and leisure life provide them opportunity to use their skills. (But what if don't have any skills?) Somewhere between the anxiety of being overwhelmed and the apathy of being bored is the ideal mix called "flow." Happy people have more flow. (And folks like me who go from one extreme to the other without any rhyme or reason? Oh yeah, we're bi-polar.) They are appropriately challenged in ways that allow them to personally contribute.

"Happiness has also been linked to meaningful relationships. (Ah ha! I’ve always said happiness is a gift one’s loved ones give to him or her. So if you’re unhappy, blame the people you love! It's their fault, for not fulfilling your need to be happy. If you have no loved ones, blame your mother.) Individuals who are happy are supported by close relationships with family members, friends, and fellow employees. Such relationships help fulfill our need to belong to something bigger than ourselves. (Say, for example, a cult! Time Magazine had it right!) The network of friends and family also provides us with opportunities to help or be helped. If we are to maintain a healthy balance in life, we will eventually need help from others. Perhaps this partly explains the finding that married individuals, both male and female, are on average happier than single individuals. (And a butt-load happier than divorced, separated or widowed people!)"