A Story, An Audition and a Rant

Wachiwi and Mai

I shared this story with a dear friend a little while back and thought I might share it with the three of you who actually read this blog. It's an old Shoshone story:

There was a lovely and delicate coyote named Wachiwi. She was spirited and fleet of foot. Her eyes flashed in the sun and she spent much of the day dancing along the plains, enjoying the splendor of God's creations. All of nature held her in the highest esteem because of her exquisite grace and humble kindness to all creatures.

Also on the plains lived another coyote named Mai. He was big and clumsy and often mocked because while chasing chickens he would frequently trip over his own feet and fall. Although he was always hungry, he would stop scrounging for food whenever he noticed Wachiwi dance among the blades of grass. His veneration towards her was unshakeable.

One day Wachiwi was dancing in the sun, alone in a field, when suddenly a stampede of buffalo came barreling over the ridge. The incensed beasts paid her no attention as they raced closer and closer, moments away from trampling the poor Wachiwi. Mai was lazily laying in the sun admiring Wachiwi's dance when the buffalo first arrived. Without thinking, he raced to her side, barely able to stay on his feet as he ran faster than he had ever before. But he was too late. At the moment he arrived by her side, the buffalo were upon them. Completely surrounded, there was nowhere for them to run.

Mai did the only thing he could do ... stand steady and strong, brave and confident with his teeth flashing. He pulled Wachiwi in close so that her back pressed against his chest and there was nowhere for her to fall. Together they stood as one among the onslaught of buffalo, Wachiwi supported by the size and generosity of the clumsy Mai. Mai snarling and snapping at the beasts as they drew near. The buffalo, now with a larger target to avoid, raced by their sides, always stepping slightly to one side or another to avoid the large, drooly, snarling obstacle in their path.

As quick as they had come, the buffalo were gone. A frightened and shaken Wachiwi asked her admirer Mai what she could ever do to repay him for his selfless act. He rolled in the grass and made himself comfortable before replying, "Finish your dance?"

Wachiwi continued her dance as Mai admired her, without a second thought to his growling stomach.

Casting About

So we had auditions for Weasel Erotica the other day. It was a long day with two three-hour sessions. We saw a lot of folks and some really great auditions. It was also a reminder of how much nicer it is to be on the other side of the table.

Auditions are nerve-wracking for actors. I hate 'em. We saw a handful of folks who were nervous auditioning for us. In the back of my head I'm thinking, "Calm down. It's not like we're anything special." Then again, to them, we might be.

Mel's in the process of getting the show cast and, judging by the talent we saw the other day, I think we're gonna be in pretty good shape. I'm very excited to get back to work with Mo, Mel and "the real king" Tony King. There's a touch of the jitters knowing that we're venturing into the great unknown again, but I'm feeling confident that we're gonna be in great shape and that we'll have a ton of fun.

A big word of thanks to everybody that came out. It was the first audition session I had been to in ages where we didn't have one single wacko. That's probably because Mel was doing the casting and not me. I always wind up calling in at least one severely disturbed person ... Mel just brought in talent.

Bonds & The Babe

Okay, so if you're a baseball fan and you have any kind of forum to speak your mind, then you've probably weighed in on the whole "Barry Bonds is about to pass Babe Ruth" issue. Bonds is just one homer away from tying Babe for second on the all time home run list. 714. A magic number.

Then again, Bonds is baseball royalty. His godfather is "Say Hey" Willie Mays, perhaps the greatest all-around player the game has ever known. Reggie Jackson is a distant cousin. Barry's daddy Bobby was a pretty darn impressive major leaguer himself. And Barry has always possessed one of the sweetest swings I've ever seen.

The issue, of course, is about Bonds' alleged use of steroids. Alleged. That's a funny word.

Normally a ball player, especially a power hitter, has something of a growth spurt in his mid-to-late-twenties. Bond's was always a tall, powerful guy. He was the first guy to ever hit 400 home runs and steal 400 bases in 1998. In 2003 he became the only guy to hit 500 home runs and steal 500 bases. The guy always was exceptional. But why did he get so huge in his mid-thirties?

The Babe didn't need performance-enhancing drugs to hit 714 home runs. In fact, legend has it that Babe consumed more than his fair-share of "less-than-performance-enhancing" food and fluid. The Babe called a shot. The Babe was a major league pitcher first. The Babe will always have a better career ERA. Take that Bonds!

Should as asterisk be placed by Bonds name? I say, "yes." But not because of all the hoopla about steroids. Because he's a Major League a$$hole. He's a 24 and 1 player, a poor teammate. He's the most selfish athlete I've ever witnessed. So, go ahead Barry, hit number 714. Try to stay healthy enough to catch Hank Aaron's 755. Just know, in my mind, there will be an asterisk ... because unlike the mythological figure of Babe Ruth, or the true class act that is Henry Aaron, you're an embarrassment to the greatest game ever played.