Have you ever been in a hole so deep that you can't comprehend how you could possibly get out of it? I was in much the same boat just seven or eight months ago. But at the time I had plenty on my side ... a great relationship with a woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, career opportunities slowly beginning to reveal themselves ... it was gonna take some time, but light was at the end of the tunnel.
So I focused on that possible bright new future ... one with the woman of my dreams by my side, my choice of career real and possible and some degree of financial security. The problem was ... it wasn't coming fast enough.
So I changed my focus more to the here and now ... not out of selfish reasons, but because I never thought it fair to not uphold my end of the bargain in my relationship. And although I was taking positive steps in the right direction ... I'm afraid I neglected the true reason I was doing it in the first place. Her.
She has been pushed to the breaking point. The point where she appears to no longer care for and/or about me. Its my fault.
But whatever happened to "relationships take work?" We haven't done the work ... we really haven't. And that is what breaks my heart.
The next ten days will dictate my future on a scale like never before. In ten days, I will have no other choice but to forfeit everything I ever dreamt of ... my choice of career, my future, my ability to fend for myself ... and most of all, I will have to forfeit the only relationship that has real value and potential in my life.
In ten days ... life will not be worth living. Again.
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