Long Necks & Beautiful Women

Just a few recollections from the past week or so that I thought I might share with you:

Long Necks

Ty celebrated his 5th birthday last week. I’m constantly amazed by how fast he is growing and what a wonderful, intelligent, good kid he is. A week or so before his birthday, I’m speaking with his mother on the phone discussing what might be good present ideas. She tells me that he is really into dinosaurs right now and that his favorite are “long necks” and that he calls them “pat-a-sarus.” Ty also said that he didn’t want a stuffed one, but one that was cool. Now, I’m a pretty bright guy and when I was a young boy I liked dinos too … my favorite was the Stegosaurus … and I would know just what to find. Be on the look out for a Brontosaurus! So I resolve myself to hitting Toys R Us and a few other stores to try and find a couple of long necked dinos.

I’m at the toy store scouring the place for dinosaurs and practically everything I find are T-Rex and Raptors … I guess Jurassic Park did a number on how we think of dinosaurs … and I’m having a heck of a time finding a nice little long neck for my boy. It starts to look hopeless when I find a little play set from Animal Planet with a Brachiosaurus (also a “long neck,” I had forgot about them) that comes with a saddle and a guy to ride him (?) as well as a helicopter and a little raptor looking guy. It looked like that might be the best I could do.

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see a cool little squishy, stretchy long neck hidden underneath a bundle of T-Rex and triceratops. I grab him, give him a look over and realize that he’s perfect. Then I read his tag … Apatosaurus. “A pat-a-sarus.” Turns out my five-year-old knows more about dinosaurs than his parents.

On a side note … a day or two before his birthday, I’m at Target for something else and decide to take a peek at the toy department. I found two awesome looking “long necks” (a Brontosaurus and an Apatosaurus) that I also scooped up. Why hit giant toy stores when you can always find what you’re looking for at Target?

Hot Girl = Uncontrollable Laughter

Thursday evening I raced over to the grocery store after work to pick up a couple of things. Y’see, I had planned on shooting a couple of little scenes for the second episode of King Talent & The Galaxy Trio that evening and needed a couple of props. So after rushing through the store to get what I need, I race up to the check-out counter … and there I see …

A vision! Oh my, she was one of the most beautiful and striking women I have ever seen. Mid-twenties, tall, thin, a wonderful figure, porcelain skin, long red hair … she looked like a younger, lovelier version of Dennis Kucinich’s wife. I must have stood there staring the entire time. You know that natural reaction we have when we’re checking somebody out to turn away the moment they look up? Didn’t happen. I was so struck I just stared. I must of looked like some kinda creep.

And then I burst out into laughter! Long, loud, painful laughter! I had to use my shirt sleeves to wipe away the tears. Why? While I stood there transfixed on this angel in front of me, something in my mind clicked. I looked down into my basket and saw a candle, a roll of aluminum foil and a banana and thought to myself, “I wonder what she would think if she knew I had to rush home, turn on the camera and dress in drag.”

It was too much. I couldn’t control myself. If she ever sees me again, I bet she runs away.

Everything is Gonna Be Alright

Friday night I come home from work exhausted. This has been a long, stressful, strenuous week at the office. I didn’t plan on doing anything. I just wanted to stay home, take it easy, have a little dinner and get some rest. So I ate a little chicken and green beans (French cut … the only thing the French have ever done right) and plopped down in front of the computer.

Y’see, I now subscribe to MLB.TV … so I can watch any and all out-of-market baseball games live on the computer. So I watched Johan Santana make his spring training debut for my New York Mets and listened to the SNY commentary of Gary, Ron and Keith.

And suddenly, everything was alright with the world.