History of The Talented Talent Bros -- Chapter XVIII

Things seemed to turn around that final weekend at The Looking Glass Theatre. The show was running pretty smoothly with occasional moments where we were really hitting our stride. Attendance was up too. A number of folks who saw the show during the festival returned to see it on a larger stage. From a financial stand-point it was too little too late, but from an emotional stand-point it was rewarding.

It was during that final weekend that I really began to realize that this little story of mine had legs and was, indeed, something special. It was deeply personal, yet others were grasping and appreciating the story. There were moments on stage that were beautiful. One that was very special to me was doing my scene with Caitlin … one night it just clicked. It was powerful. It moved both of us. It moved the audience.

Ask any actor and they’ll tell you that they look for moments like those.

Finality

At least the show wouldn’t sputter out, but would conclude on a high note of sorts. I felt a sense of relief. I felt a sense of pride. And I was glad that it was over. The run of The Broken Jump had come to an end … and I was sure that ending signified something much larger. We donated some set pieces to The Looking Glass because it was just easier than trying to move the stuff. The show was over … and I didn’t really care what came of the props and costumes.

It was time to move on. For me … and probably for everybody else involved. Everybody said their good-byes to one another and took off. Irony of ironies, you can probably guess who was left there at the end … doing the final clean-up, moving the final load of stuff out, locking the doors behind us … Matt, Mel and me. This era of The Talented Talent Brothers ended pretty much as it had begun.

Aftermath

The days and weeks that followed The Broken Jump were among the most difficult I have ever encountered. Whether I liked it or not, I was going to have to address issues with my health. I would also have to decide whether or not any of those answers I had come with when asking myself, “Why am I doing this?” were valid. I was going to have to make some tough decisions … personally and professionally.

Weeks after the show had come to an end, I took stock in just how much I had lost. Money, weight, my hair, my family, my job, my pride, my ambition, my sense of self. I had all but lost everything. And why? Because I was trying to create something … something bigger and more important than my self. I was less than pleased with where I was and what I had become.

The whole idea, concept, conceit of The Talented Talent Brothers was to create a creative, communal group with an “all-for-one, one-for-all” attitude. I was trying to create a sense of family within a community of creative-minded people. I wanted to be part of something bigger than I could ever be alone. John, Paul, George and Ringo were special … The Beatles were legend. In some ways, that was the mindset.

I had said years before, at the beginning of this journey, that The Talented Talent Brothers would be my last, best shot. In the weeks that followed The Broken Jump, recovering at home alone, I decided that I would stick to my guns. I had taken my shot and that was that. I had been the driving force behind The Talented Talent Brothers … I was the one who believed in it. I tried to give others opportunity to shine, to create, to become involved, to grab the bull by the horns … but eventually, it all rested squarely on my shoulders. I’m too old and tired to carry that weight any longer.

It was time to concentrate on more important things … on trying to recover all that I had lost over the previous three-plus years. This point was driven home by how minimal a sense of community had been established. After an extended stay in the hospital, the only folks to reach out to me were Mel (a few weeks later while I was visiting Ty in Virginia) and JB (a week or so after that). Just like ever other show I had ever done … folks just moved on. When I was most in need … aw, what’s the use in complaining? It’s not like anybody was shocked.

Starting Over

Sometimes when you remove all the extraneous clutter from your mind and soul, new opportunities arise. I have been blessed to find a new place, a new job and a new opportunity to start over. I left New York … with no fanfare, with hardly a goodbye spoken … and now live by the Carolina coast. A place where I was happy years ago. A place I had always assumed I might retire to. I write this on Christmas Eve … after having spent the afternoon at the beach … from a better place than I had been the last several years.

And The Talented Talent Brothers? They are no more. They were nothing more than a spark of my imagination. They existed only because I believed in them … I don’t any longer. I’ve joined everybody else. It was my last shot … I gambled and lost. It was a great game and I enjoyed playing it … but the game is over. I learned a long time ago to never say never, but I doubt you will ever see me on a theatre’s stage again. I just don’t have that desire in me any more.

I’ll continue to get up on stage at a comedy club here and there, I’ll still write … but performing will no longer be the number one priority in my life any more. My priorities were all out of whack for too long. I suffered from an addiction to being on stage … I’m in a self-imposed rehab now. My priorities are faith, health, family and peace … and I will no longer put those at risk to satisfy a selfish need to be on a theatre’s stage again.

This may sound like an ending … a depressing one at that … but it is not. It is a new beginning. A positive beginning. For a change.