Something Or Another About Doors

“When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.” – Alexander Graham Bell

I hate endings. It seems that lately all manner of chapters in my life have come to an end and I’m left mourning what is lost. To make matters worse, change in one’s life requires effort. I hate effort too. I like when things are handed to me and I get to feign surprise ... it doesn’t happen very often, but I like it.

The next chapter coming to an end appears to be my living arrangements. In many ways, this is self-induced. I’ve been living comfortably above my means for several years now and my new motto is “simplify.” So I’ll be moving very soon. I am fortunate, though, in that I found a awesome (albeit small) little railroad flat not far away that I really like. It will require me to get rid of a ton of stuff I’ve accumulated over the years (I never realized what a freaking pack-rat I’ve become), but in some ways that is refreshing. It’ll be a different life and a different lifestyle ... but one that will be much easier on the pocketbook. The best thing about this place is the magnificent view of Manhattan. The worst thing is that I just can’t imagine how I’m going to get my couch up there. The timing sucks ... really, really sucks! More news on the move soon. Gonna put down a deposit on the place tomorrow ... then try and figure out how I'm gonna get all my crap into either storage, the garbage or to the new place.

The most recent chapter to come to an end is, of course, the four week run of Weasel Erotica. I’m proud to say that we had a ton of fun and that the show really drew some very good sized audiences (with a couple of near sell-outs ... man it sure beat out all those performances of Abnormal Stew for a half-dozen people) and certainly did wonders in terms of elevating and tightening the Talented Talent Brothers. The act will go through another growth and evolution and I find that extremely exciting. But while I listened to other actors talk about their respective next projects and such all I could think was, “man, I need a break.” So a break I shall have. It’s time that some of those things I’ve neglected for so long get some attention ... y’know, the mundane things like my health, my happiness, my Mets and cable television.

I need to spend more time throwing at a backstop.

That doesn’t mean that things really slow down at all for the Baby Hippopotamus. Quite the contrary ... my one-man show is developing nicely and is on track for debut performances this winter. I’m tweaking a script that will likely be the next Talent Brother vehicle and I’m looking into producing a handful of other options. After a few weeks of “Weasel-Detox” I’ll probably pick Gary and Weezie up and the three of us will collectively decide what to do next with our madcap little show. I can promise you one thing ... you haven’t heard the last from these weasels.

If you haven’t gathered it yet, I’m the kind of guy who never loses sight of his dreams. I just frequently get aggravated that the fight takes so much energy, so much dedication, so much of your heart and soul. Getting motivated is easy ... getting re-motivated is always the challenge.

“Obsessive, compulsive, suffocate your mind;
Confusion, delusions, kill your dreams in time;
You ask me how I took the pain;
Crawled up from my lowest low;
Step by step and day by day;
'Til there's one last breath to go”
– Paul Stanley, “Live To Win”

Amazing ... a blog entry that was really supposed to be about how exhausted I am has become a laundry list of the creative plates I’m trying to keep spinning.

If I Read Books I Couldn't Read Blogs

Well, I've officially been blog-tagged for the first time by the delightful, lovely and always interesting Nerdd and, since it’s a topic near and dear to me, I’ll go ahead and respond. Yes, SabilaK, I actually do read.

In fact, one of the main reasons that I could never live in a small, cramped apartment is because I need plenty of room for the unbelievable volume of books I own. I’m almost something of a book collector. Some people take home stray dogs, I take home stray books. I walk by bookstores with their little carts out front advertising 25 cent books and I walk away with arms filled and a wallet that’s several dollars lighter.

So, in answer to the Nerdd’s questions:

1) One book that changed your life?
Hamlet by William Shakespeare.
Has always been, and likely will always be, the most important piece of literature I have ever encountered.

2. One book you have read more than once?
Harpo Speaks! by Harpo Marx.
A long, fun, wordy biography … yes “wordy” … from Harpo Marx, the clown who never spoke. It’s eloquent in its simplicity. I probably read it twice a year.

3. One book you would want on a desert island?
The Complete Works of William Shakespeare.
Preferably the Arden edition. Enough said.

4. One book that made you laugh?
The Benchley Roundup
A collection of sketches and articles from one of the sharpest humorists of all time, the always-amusing Robert Benchley. "It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by then I was too famous." -- Robert Benchley

5. One book that made you cry?
The Dresser, by Ronald Harwood.
Imagine an actor listing another play. Humph ... who would've thought it? I performed the title role in this show back in ’91 or ’92 and have read it dozens of times … and I wept each and every time.

6. One book you stayed up all night to finish?
Actually a few months ago I stayed up all night to finish Treasure Island, by Robert Louis Stevenson.

7. One book that took you too long to read?
Little Dorrit by Charles Dickens.
Ironically, it’s one of my favorite novels … even though it took me months and months to finish. I’m afraid to read it again because I might be on Social Security before I finish it.

8. One book you are currently reading?
One of David Feldman’s Imponderables books.
Yes, sometimes I like to read fluff … educational fluff, but fluff nonetheless.

9. One book you have been meaning to read?
I Had the Right to Remain Silent...But I Didn't Have the Ability by comedian Ron White.

10. Now tag five people:
But, I don’t know five people. Tell you what ... if you're reading this, consider yourself tagged!

Do Big Things & Do Them Well

I found this letter the other day while cleaning house. It was under the bathroom sink and I can’t think, for the life of me, how it could have gotten there. It’s from my grandmother (“Granny”) and was written when I was very little. Considering Granny passed away when I was about 8, you can guess how old it is. It’s written in blue ink on a single leaf of paper from a small pad which has stayed in remarkable shape. It reads:

“Dear Richard,

The little fellow who stayed with Granny and Granddaddy not because he wanted to, but because we wanted him. He was so lovable and sweet. Now you are so much bigger but still lovable. You are a very dear guy. You can charm your teachers. As you go through school and think it will take so long, remember it is just a little bit of your life. Grow big in ways and size. You have talents that you can use in life. Richard, do big things and do them well so Granny can be proud of the little guy I helped get started. Granny’s love will be with you and help you.”

I wept for nearly an hour.

My memories, unfortunately, of Granny are sketchy at best. She left us when I was very young. To this day, though, I have the lamb she gave me for my sixth birthday. He sits proudly on my chest of drawers (having spent many years as my bedtime companion) minus his nose that a dog chewed off sometime near the end of the Carter administration. I have fuzzy recollections of her killing a snake with a hoe and the sheer admiration and respect she instantly earned from my brother and I. I recall she stayed with us during her final days. Beyond that, most of my memories of my mother’s mother are lost.

And yet when I read this letter I wept.

A phrase in the letter all but haunts me: “... do big things and do them well ...” In all honesty, I think I have spent my entire adult life attempting to do big things, but without any real success. Maybe it depends on your definition of “big.” I have tried endlessly, and with much sacrifice (more than you, dear reader, will likely ever know), to use my so-called talents to do big things. I tirelessly continue to do so. I continue to sacrifice. But I haven’t done any “big things” yet and grow skeptical that I ever will.

In some ways, I am ashamed. In some ways I feel that perhaps I may have let my beloved Granny down. I have dealt with so much loss, sacrificed too much. Then I begin to think that simply surviving is the biggest thing of all. Maybe in her last days, that is all Granny was trying to tell me: “Survive, little guy, survive.” And my faith, which wanes from time to time, at least allows me to acknowledge that Granny’s love has indeed been with me to help me.

Thank you, Granny.

Bland, Useless, Tired, Shop-worn, Dog-Earred Jokes

I found this mumbling sub-par podcaster who gave us a little audio review. This guy is ever-so-prepared to make his recordings and I find his barely coherent, stumbling rambling to be quite amusing. The internet breeds negative folks like this ... guys who would like to believe that they are so much more intellectual than they really are. Guys who fancy themselves as liberal newscasters of some sort. This guy admits to not even staying for the entire show, spells out one of our actors names because he's obviously too intimidated to pronounce it, obviously wasn't paying too much attention to what little plot our little play has and closes with the obviously well-thought-out critique of "It sucks." With all that tossed at us, how can I really be offended? I want to be offended ... but it's like when a kid calls you a "doo-doo head" ... more cute than offensive.

As a counter-point, here's a quote from Martin Denton's blog (a quality guy and a quality reviewer, in my opinion) on the topic of reviews from last year: "My own view, when I write a review, is that I'm engaging in a conversation with the artists who created the show. The conversation starts when I enter the theatre. My job is to listen to the artists and try to hear what they want to tell me; to open my heart and mind to the experience inside the room, to actively engage myself in it, and to receive whatever's there to receive. Then, I go home, think about what happened, talk about what happened, and eventually write down a response—my half of the dialogue, back to the artists."

At least I've never read Martin's response as being, "it sucks!" He has a touch more class than that. He's not a "doo-doo head."

Ahhh ... the sweet smell of success.

That's right, "success." Our goal is simply to have fun and give our audience an opportunity to have fun as well. On top of that, we're all about getting a rise out of our audience ... had our little audio critic friend stuck around for Act II he would've heard our legal disclaimer about getting a rise out of our audience ... and in at least one instance, we certainly did that.

This fella's blog entry also reads, "... recommends Weasel Erotica for anyone seeking to squander a modest sum of cash for a miniscule portion of fun, a minute level of creativity, featuring an infinitesimal amount of talent ... To the production company: If Weasel Erotic [sic] is the best you can do, here is a career recommendation for all those concerned, including but not limited to: the writer, the director and the cast [He then links us to WalMart's webpage.] My only question is, with all the "Talent" listed in the program how come none of it showed up on the stage?"

Oh my goodness ... we've gone from "doo-doo head" to "poopy pants" in no time.

Immediately upon finding this useless, tasteless review ... I shared it with everybody I know. Why? Because although this guy obviously thinks of himself as a critic, he's no such thing. He's just trying valiantly to be insulting. He's just a rambling guy with an opinion ... that I welcome him to share. Nail us to the wall, my friend. The Talented Talent Brothers are big enough to take whatever pot-shots you want to dish out. Go ahead and take your little shots at our "sub-par actors with a sub-par script" because we find it nothing but amusing. It reminds us that we're on the right road. Good reviews, bad reviews ... at least the word is getting out. For that, we thank you!

Hey, Weasel Erotica is silly. Weasel Erotica is fun. Weasel Erotica is positive energy in the form of good (and not-so-good) jokes streamed together for no other reason than because we like doing it and our audiences like to laugh.

"You can't please all of the people all of the time, and last night they were all at my show." -- Mitch Hedberg

Also on the topic of reviews, feel free to visit this post from back in January to get my opinions on the subject. Whether the review is good or bad isn't nearly as important as getting your facts right ... this fella didn't even bother cover those bases. Instead of drawing his information from the program itself, he pulled it off of out-of-date info posted on a website three months ago. Way to pay attention ... "doo-doo head."

The Reviews Are Coming In

The first reviews for Weasel Erotica are in and I just couldn't wait to share them with you. I am amused that both reviews mention that the show is neither Shakespeare nor Moliere. Oh well, I guess that teenagers and theatre students hundreds of years from now will not be required to read excerpts from The Collected Plays of King Talent.

Let's start Fred McKinnon's review from onoffoff.com:

WEASEL EROTICA
Genre: Comedy

Reviewed for OnOFFOFF By: Fred McKinnon

A Shakespearean comedy it is not. Nor is it in the realm of Molière satire. Oscar Wilde's wit is nowhere to be found. It, indeed, is what its press material promises it to be: "madcap farce." Baby Hippopotamus Productions' "Weasel Erotica" is-without a doubt-wacky, zany and frenzied with an implausible plot, outlandish characters and copious amounts of comic shtick.

As the play opens, zoo employee Harry is attempting to drum up business for his boss when Mr. Grimm, the bad guy, reveals that he wants to close lovely Alison's animal enterprise so that he can use the property for greater financial gain. Enter wealthy widow Ms. Rittenrotten, who is nothing like her name suggests, and a plan is hatched to acquire two Brazilian Trouser Weasels (double entendre?) to generate customers and prevent the struggling animal park from folding. Professor Wagstaff, whatever his name suggests, is then enlisted to take care of the rare animals (Kitty and Ray-Ray), who eventually-in the guise of puppets, enthusiastically manipulated by Kimi Winkler and Jennifer Sandella-perform a mating ritual dance during which Roy (Allison's boyfriend) does a striptease. But that is not before Wagstaff, for perhaps some hidden meaning, relates "The Story of the Haunted Ship." There is also a scene in which the Monster-From-Under-Your-Bed makes an appearance, disrupting a romantic encounter.

These are just a few of the entanglements in Act I of this theatrical romp under the unpredictable direction of Melissa Jo Talent, who also had a hand in the chaotic script, along with King Talent and Daniel Guyton. The cast of nine do a fine job in what, I suppose, they are supposed to be doing, but particularly outstanding for me (unambiguously a high point) was Ms. Rittenrotten's (Rebecca Sponseller) singing rendition of the Gershwins' "Embraceable You."

After free refreshments being offered during intermission, Act II resumes where the play left off and swiftly (in less than a half hour) comes to a happy, if not completely logical, ending with a coda of a dancing musical finale.

Earlier in the evening I had asked the couple sitting next to me what brought them to this particular not-so air conditioned subterranean theater on a steamy summer night. Their answer sang the praises of Off-Off-Broadway. "This is the New York tourists don't know about. You're never sure of what you might see, but the actors and actresses give it their all. They always seem to be having fun." After my experiencing this production, that seems like the most reasonably rational conclusion for wanting to attend "Weasel Erotica."

Next, M. Stefan Strozier reviewed the play for The audience Review, a new quarterly journal of short stories, poetry, plays, reviews and interviews ... find out more at www.worldaudience.com. It reads, in part:

The Talent Brothers’ production of Weasel Erotica was very professional, and it was well acted and directed. My only criticism is with the script, which contained too much exposition, though this is a flaw of practically all playwrights, at every level. The play was written by King Talent, with additional material by Daniel Guyton and Melissa Jo Talent. The desire to speak to the audience, and to explain to the audience what is happening, rather than letting the characters explain what is happening, exclusively through action, is a harder habit for a playwright to break than crack cocaine (though I’ve never partaken). I have seen very few (modern) playwrights able to break this habit. Weasel Erotica’s plot, centering on the closure of a zoo, is complex and its scenes fit together well. However, the scenes were very different from each other, which caused the main theme, or plot, to become unglued from the sub-plots, at times. But again, who am I to criticize, as I don’t know where the balance exists, between plot and zaniness. And, I’m not convinced anyone else knows, either. The Talent Brothers are admirably wresting with this conundrum. Still, the funniest scenes were the ones that were the most zany, even if those funniest scenes seemed to temporarily, altogether disregard the plot. Perhaps, that’s what made those scenes funnier than their brethren: A funny scene was so flippant and spontaneous it threw the plot out the window and cared not about it. Weasel Erotica even featured a few song and dance routines. The song and dance scenes worked very well with the action and I wished there had been more of them. Naomi Austin is the choreographer. In fact, Rebecca Sponseller has a marvelous voice, and sang her number with amazing passion. Melissa Jo Talent, the director, clearly understands farce, and all its nuances. The actors’ business was un-ending and always funny, from various objects being pulled out of woman’s bra (and then being returned to their receptacles), to lots of curvaceous, scantily clad women getting sprayed with water and becoming wet, or at least “hot and bothered.” The actors were funny and the blocking and timing and tempo were all precise and well-orchestrated. All of the actors were top-notch and put forth valiant effort and art: Amy Kersten as Alison; Anne McDaniels as Flo; Jennifer Sandella as Ray-Ray; Rebecca Sponseller as Ms. Rittenrotten; Jeremy Sykes as Gergory Grimm; Kimi Winkler as Kitty; Tony King as Roy; Matt ‘Mo’ Talent as Harry; and, King Talent as Professor Wagstaff. Additionally, the lighting design, by Raven, was excellent, and it balanced well with the action. The animal wrangler was Kelly Heaton, although the only animals in the play, as far as I could tell, were the trouser weasels, which granted, were wrangled. I went to see this play, in part, in search of those weasels; and, I found them. All in all, this was a bold, professional production, well acted and well directed. If the script gets a few dings for not being consistent, well, at least The Talent Brothers are putting forth the effort (and money) to present farce to an audience of New Yorkers. Perhaps, this is just want that audience needs. And, I had an enjoyable time at this play. I wish it the best of luck.

So, much thanks to Mr. McKinnon and Mr. Strozier for the coverage. It is greatly appreciated and good to know there are folks out there who feel it important to cover, review and give credit to NYC's off-off Broadway theatre.

Jane Austen's Pride & Exhaustion

A few hours have now passed since the end of our second performance of Weasel Erotica ... and what a week it has been. I am feeling a bizarre mixture of pride, apprehension and exhaustion. We have now given two performances to good sized crowds who certainly seem to be enjoying the show. At least no one has rioted yet.

Some of the folks in the show have asked me how I feel ... and it's really difficult to answer. I once heard an analogy saying that creating theatre is like a woman giving birth ... painful and filled with anxiety and once the process has begun, you can't go shoving that baby back in. It's out there, for all to see. In some ways I am fortunate in that I am also in the show and therefore am not out in the house helpless to do anything to save my baby should disaster arise. Because I am part of the production, I don't necessarily get to watch any of the other scenes and can, in all actuality, listen to very few of them. I just trust in the work of these talented folks on stage, have faith in the direction that Melissa Jo has given, do my best while I'm out there and just hope that there's at least somebody in the audience who gets it.

Mallory Jensen over at the Gothamist appears to get it ... here's what she wrote for our listing:

THEATER: Baby Hippopotamus Productions' new comedy Weasel Erotica may sound like something you don't even want to know about, but fortunately the show probably won't live up to your fears, unless your fears are of a show that's unrepentantly, and delightfully, silly. Melissa Jo Talent directs a cast that includes her brothers King and Mo (collectively, the three are "The Talented Talent Brothers") in this farce in which a rare performing weasel is brought to a town's zoo for the purpose of raising money to save the zoo from an evil land developer; then the world's only flying weasel expert has to be hired too, and the game is on.

You see, sometimes I think folks just want a show that doesn't necessarily mean anything, but is just a good time.

The Load In

Okay, so Thursday was "load in day." For those of you folks who might read this who are not familiar with theatrical terminology (I have a hard time buying that there is such a creature!) that simply means that over the course of one day, the day before we open, we have to load all of our set and props into the theatre, hang and focus lights and do all that technical stuff to get the show ready to roll. When you operate off-off Broadway and have no real budget, that means the cast doubles as crew and works their collective ass off for 24 hours.

Add to that a heat wave in NYC and a well-ventilated, yet un-air conditioned theatre and what do you get? A whole mess of sweaty and exhausted folks doing some hard-core manual labor. But that's when you know you've got a group of troopers ... everybody in this cast busted butt to get everything ready. I am fairly certain that I lost 6-8lbs in the sauna that was our lives for a day and may very well have suffered a minor heat stroke. Somehow it all came together, somehow it all got done. Don't ask me how it happened.

Now, on to business ...

After two years I'm really starting to believe that the Talented Talent Brothers are actually a justifiable property. Now we have a good and proper vehicle that grew out of last year's experience with Abnormal Stew. Tony and Matt have been on fire on stage and Mel's done a remarkable job getting this thing all put together. This is hands-down the best, most enjoyable cast I've worked with in New York. They all get it. They all understand that sometimes it has to be more about having fun and less about all the intellectual garbage that the theatre all-too-often breeds.

Have fun ...share the fun. It's not an overly complex mantra, but it's the one I'm operating on. It's time to get butts in seats and get some buzz going on in NYC. Stew was the infant crawling ... now we're a gangly teenager running wild. When this act finally matures, I want to be able to move on it ... we deserve it. These folks deserve recognition. They deserve the sweet and juicy fruits of their labor. (Jeez ... I'm letting about half-a-dozen dirty jokes go unwritten right here.)

So I'm feeling that it's time to put away the creative part of my persona for a bit and start to concentrate on the more managerial role. Equate it to having a band ... you find the players, write the songs, get the set good and tight ... but who comes to your gigs? How are you going to eat and pay rent? That's the question I now must answer, not only for myself, but for the family. It's just so damn overwhelming to create, riff and let the juices flow while trying to manage a business ... all on top of a day job that foots the bill and a personal life that is ... well, convoluted to say the least.

I think I'm finally going to read Gene Simmons' book on business ... this guy turned a flashy rock band into a merchandising machine ... maybe I can learn a thing or two from the fire-breathing demon. I would love for the Talented Talent Brothers to become vaudeville comedy's counterpart to Kiss ... 'cause after all, we rock and roll all night and party every day too!

Lastly, a big thanks to Rebecca for all of these rehearsal photos ... she's my hero!

These Are The Voyages of the Stress-ship Enterprise

Weasel Erotica opens in a week and, although I think the show is shaping up quite nicely, personally I’m a wreck. This always happens as I lead into a show and I wish I knew how to prevent it. It’s part and parcel being a low-budget off-off Broadway producer I guess … especially when it’s such a gamble that you’ll draw an audience and make at least a portion of the money back. It’s also part and parcel of being an actor with a day job, preventing you from getting the little tiny things done in your personal life that should be done. My house is a wreck, my kitchen sink is overflowing with dirty dishes, the laundry needs to get done at some point in time, I haven’t even so much as carried on a conversation with anybody not directly involved in either the play or work. I’m running low on sleep and high on anxiety.

And, as fate would have it, the one good thing that was going on in my personal life turns out to be a sham. A lie. A deception. Y'know, dishonesty is a terrible foundation for any relationship. Nothing quite like finding out the beauty in your life was all a facade ... a mirage that you thought was your oasis. It's even worse when you stumble upon the truth unknowingly. Ah well, a little betrayal builds character, right?

I deserved better than that!

Don’t get me wrong … I was fully aware of what I was getting myself into with this show. I was fully aware of the sacrifices that would have to be made. I was fully aware of the big ball of stress that was going to run over me. And still I pushed forward … slightly ill-prepared and praying for the best. A month from now the show will be winding down and the process of recovery will begin. Hopefully the personal recovery will be well on it's way as well. And once fully recovered, I’ll probably dive right back into this ocean of uncertainty. Makes you wonder if I have psychological issues that need to be addressed.

Addictive Personality

As much as it pains me to admit it, I have an addictive personality. I hate using labels to describe anyone, much less myself, but I can kind of see where this one might be accurate. Caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, fried food … love ‘em all. In fact, I truly believe that there is nothing quite as special as sitting at the IHOP eating fried eggs and bacon, guzzling coffee and chain-smoking after a night of heavy drinking. All addictions being addressed at once … glorious! Luckily I’ve never really had any interest in becoming a junkie or anything … but hey, how could I possibly afford it? The caffeine, nicotine, alcohol and fried food are already driving me into bankruptcy.

Now, I realize this may not be the most healthy behavior I could subject myself to. And true, I don’t really do it all that often. But man … it’s great! Maybe it’s just that I like breakfast …

Some have even commented on the amount I work (I have been called a workaholic on more than one occasion) and said that was a sign of an addiction … I’m addicted to work. Addicted to work? You’ve got to be kidding.

Some addictions smack you in the face (the cigarettes give you cancer, the bottle gives you alcohol poisoning, the girl had another guy on the side the entire time) and make you want to give them up for good. My problem has always been that I need more smacking than the average guy.

Baby Hippos in the News

Found this online today and had to share it:

Love of hippo comes full cycle

Thursday, July 27, 2006

By GEORGE GRAHAM, The Republican, MA

RUSSELL - When Geoff L. Stevens spotted Tiny Bubbles' picture on the Internet this summer, he stared in recognition.

That jaunty pose and toothy grin were virtually unchanged from their first encounter 16 years ago in a Boston art gallery.

Unchanged because Tiny is a life-sized baby hippopotamus made out of paper mache.

Stevens longed to buy the hippo in 1990 but was living in a small Springfield apartment and didn't have the space.

"When I saw him in the gallery I said, 'This is it,'" Stevens said, recounting that long-ago day.

Stevens periodically visited Pavo Real gallery to check in on the hippo, once he even took a picture of his sister posing with it.

"But one time I stopped in and he was gone," Stevens said. "I thought that was the end of it, and I would never come across him again."

Sixteen years later, Stevens, now married and living in Russell, ran a search of "life-sized" items on eBay last month and rediscovered his long-lost hippo.

Stevens collects life-sized human and animal caricatures, and they can be seen throughout the home he shares with his wife, Michelle.

Stevens cast a last-minute bid of $500 on the online auction Web site. It turned out to be the only bid, and the hippo's New Hampshire owner, who had dubbed it Tiny Bubbles, delivered it to Russell the very next day.

The lifelike hippo now stands on a table in the foyer of the Stevens home, offering its toothy grin to all who enter.

At least three giraffes and a half-dozen or so life-sized human caricatures seemingly look on with approval from the living room and upper heights of the foyer.

Michelle Stevens was most diplomatic when asked about her husband's unusual collection.

"It's nice I guess," she said. "We definitely have different tastes in art."

Oddly enough, Russell has been a hotbed of life-sized animal sculpture news this summer.

Artist E. Gayle Shanley-Fitzsimmons recently decorated a life-sized fiberglass cow, which is currently on display, with about 100 others, along the Freedom Trail in Boston.

Psst, Geoff ... All those cows are slated to be auctioned off in October, half at live auction and rest on eBay, to benefit the Jimmy Fund and the Dana Farber Cancer Institute.

Mid-Rehearsal Love Fest

Two weeks from now Weasel Erotica will have opened, the stress of getting a show up will have subsided and I'll be drinking a glass of champagne toasting the success and/or failure of another opening night. I will have stared down the paralyzing power of stage fright once again and come out successful (one of these days I won't be so lucky) and sweaty. I will put my arms around sister Melissa Jo and tell her we did it again ... just what "it" is may still remain a mystery. I will let out a giant sigh of relief.

But that's two weeks away. What happens between now and then frightens the hell out of me. There is just so much still to be done. A million little details that have to be addressed. A million little things that can (and some will) go wrong. Hell week is upon us, and it's two weeks long!

So, before my nerves become completely frayed, now is the time to compliment my castmates, my family and express the sheer pride I have in working with these folks and watching them bring this silly little vision to life:

I have to start with my brother Matt 'Mo' Talent (Mo Talent because he has mo' talent that you!) who is always a joy and a pleasure to work with. He works harder than just about any other actor/comedian I know and never lets out a word of discouragement. He's the guy always there with a pat on the back ... while I'm the guy who always needs the pat on the back. Matt has a simple and pure charm that makes him such a joy to watch on stage. A kinetic energy with a devious glint in his eye. Whenever I work with him I warn the rest of the cast that he's the one who's likely to run away with the show ... and he most frequently does. I expect the same to hold true on opening night.

Not a brother by blood, but a brother by spirit is Tony King. This show is something of a challenge for Tony because he's playing a guy who borders on being milquetoast, something that Tony certainly is not. Tony is a proud and handsome Southerner (just like his big brother by another mother) who exudes charm on stage. For us he serves as a perfect straight man, but a straight man that the audience wants to root for. In the spirit of Noel Coward, he's the poor sap stuck in the middle of extraordinary circumstances. It takes a special talent and spirit to pull that off ... and Tony is loaded with talent and spirit.

Next on the love fest list is my favorite "Opera Girl." Rebecca Sponseller is my hero. She has no shame (which is a requirement in this show and something I readily identify with) and an innate ability to steal a scene. She is my Margaret Dumont ... and those who know me well know that I can hand out no higher compliment.

Filling out the role that I wrote with Maureen O'Sullivan in mind is Amy Kersten, a remarkable comedic actress who always finds the time to offend me in some shape, way, form or fashion. She takes after my baby sister. I hadn't realized until recently how much this show hinges on her role and I can't express how lucky we were to find Amy. She's the kind of talent that you admire (but secretly feel jealous about) and the kind of girl that you could have a crush on if she wasn't such a ball-buster. But the Talent Brothers have long been known to have a healthy respect for the ball-buster.

I didn't know Jeremy Sykes from Adam, but I trusted Mel when she told me, "Hey, I know this guy that would be perfect for our villain." And that he is. A cross between Snidely Whiplash and Harvey Korman. This show needs that element of 1930's melodrama to it and Jeremy has that in spades. Talented guy ... check out one of his paintings right here ... just hope he doesn't walk out on us when he sees the costume we have planned for him.

How do you cast a sexy seductress but not wind up with a diva bitch on wheels? That was one of our concerns going into auditions for this show. We found the answer and her name is Anne McDaniels. A buddy of mine saw a picture of this beauty and former NFL cheerleader and said, "I bet she's hard to work with." What a misconception. Why do other actors want to hate the beautiful? There are very few more professional, down-to-earth, pleasant actresses out there. She is a delight and certainly lifts the show's sexy quotient to new heights.

Zoo Girls play a special role in my heart where this play is concerned. Okay, outside of this play none of us would have any idea what a reference to a Zoo Girl is. How special? Those closest to me would recognize how special by the characters' names ... Ray-Ray and Kitty. Those weren't just random names chosen out of a hat, were they? Ray-Ray is Jennifer Sandella ... a bundle of smart and sexy quirkiness. She brings a special rhythm and charm to the show that is irreplaceable. Her willingness to dive in, try anything and never let that fear of looking silly get in the way makes her one of us ... after all, that's the Talent Brother credo.

What is it about little blonde girls from Oklahoma that I enjoy so much? (Get your mind out of the gutter ... there's only room enough for mine!) Ah, the girls from Sooner country are a special breed. Our Okie plays Kitty and her name is Kimi Winkler. She's a talented former college cheerleader (how did we wind up with two cheerleaders in our show?) that is a lovely and lively breeze (strike that, whirlwind) of fresh air! An enticing wave of energy that rolls over all of us and, I am sure, will role over the audience.

Finally, I can't hand out any kudos without mentioning my sister Mel. The reason this show will succeed is Melissa Jo Talent ... point blank. Granted I had to beg and plead and implore her to even consider directing this thing, but all that begging is paying off handsomely ... just as I knew it would. I don't know that there are people who I love, admire and respect as much as Mel. I think the majority of the cast feels the same. So, while I can praise the rest of my castmates, my highest praise is reserved for my little sister. Superb ... she is just superb. I am proud to have her as my director, my family, my comrade and my friend.

So, there's my little love-fest for the actors in the show. For those of you actually reading my blog, remember this praise. Because I imagine I'm going to become an unbearable a$$hole over the next two weeks. Let Hell Week begin!

King's Code of Ethics

I have already received a little response to my previous post and several folks have asked me to clarify what my own personal code of ethics is. Okay, here goes. This may not be all-encompassing, but it's a shot:

1) Never hold a prejudice against another based on race, color, creed, religion, national origin or sexual orientation. Always hold a prejudice against the selfish, lazy, closed-minded and blatantly stupid.

2) There is no such thing as a failure who keeps trying. Success deserves reward. Failure deserves encouragement.

3) Wear your heart on your sleeve. Never be protected. Hurt equals growth. Fear stunts it. The protected are never truly happy.

4) If you have something negative to say, so long as it doesn't seriously hurt or offend another, say it. Maybe we're itching for a fight and we'll feel better afterwards.

5) So long as you do not break the law nor hurt another, do anything and everything that comes to mind. If you want to stand on your head in a crowded bar, then by all means, do so. If you want to eat a shoe for dinner, cook it up!

6) You are superior to no one. No one is superior to you.

7) When in a crowded room, remember that everybody in that room can do something you only wish you could do.

8) Always reinforce positive emotions. If you love somebody, tell them. Hug them. Kiss them. Never reinforce negative emotions ... they will soon subside. Relish the success, the skills, the abilities of others.

9) Sacrifice for your fellow man. Rejoice in their beauty. Be grateful for all gifts, big and small.

10) Drink at least one caffeinated beverage a day.

11) Never forget that love and loyalty go hand in hand.

12) No matter what you do, no matter the limitations life has put on you, always strive for excellence.

Yup ... I'm a Dog!

I'm loyal to a fault. Well, that may not be exactly true, but I'm as loyal as a dog. I mention that from time to time ... that I'm just like a dog. Ironically, I was born in the year of the dog and although I have never gone in for any of that mumbo-jumbo, most things that I have read regarding Chinese astrology and the year of the dog are pretty spot on. Here's a description of a Dog from good-old Astrology.com:

In the West, the Dog is man's best friend, but in Chinese Astrology this Sign is a little more unpredictable than that. Dogs are loyal, faithful and honest and always stick to their firm codes of ethics. However, this Sign has trouble trusting others. It's generally quite trustworthy itself -- except for the occasional "little white lies" the Dog tells in order to make things go more smoothly. The Dog makes a wonderful, discreet and loyal friend (despite any white lies) and is an excellent listener. This Sign tends to root for the underdog and its keen sense of right and wrong makes it duty-bound to the core. The Dog's mantra seems to be, Live right, look out for the little people and fight injustice whenever possible.

Dogs can also be rather dogmatic, too. They don't go in for light social banter; instead, they go straight for home, expostulating on the topics that are most important to them. At these times the Dog's narrow-minded or stubborn side can become apparent; this Sign has trouble staying light and calm when an important issue is at stake. This Sign can also be very temperamental; mood swings characterize its emotional life and often the Dog needs to run off to be alone in order to recuperate. Part of the problem is the result of this Sign's load of irrational fears that turn into niggling anxieties that turn into hurt feelings and occasional grouchiness. This sensitive Sign needs to warm up to others over time and gradually learn to trust them. Without that trust as a foundation, Dogs can be judgmental and coarse.

The Dog's discerning nature does make it an excellent business person, one who can turn that picky, guarded nature into a keen sense of the truth of another's motives. Where love is concerned, Dogs often have a tough time finding the right match. They can be so anxious and overwrought in the romance dance that they'll stress their partner to the max! In any forum, this Sign is happiest when able to be quite physically active; at home or at work, the Dog will always be constructing something new or cleaning something up in order to make things better. Dogs need to work on controlling their irrational worries and would also be well-served to relax their mile-high standards, which can sometimes wind up alienating the ones they love.

It may not be completely spot on, but it's pretty darn close. The topic of loyalty and my own personal code of ethics is what brings this topic up. My code of ethics? Stand by my side (even just a little) and I'll die for you, turn away from me for even a moment and you're dead to me. You gotta pet this dog every once in a while if you want to keep him on the porch!

I am loyal and I expect others (friends and loved ones) to be loyal to me. Unfortunately I am all-too-frequently disappointed in this regard. Once someone shows a sign of disloyalty to me, I become the rabid dog. I do have mood swings and they are almost always brought on by a loved one turning (even unintentionally) on me. I am often filled with anxieties ... as I write this I'm an emotional wreck ... that simply need to be pacified. If you love me, remind me of that on occasion. If you want to survive a relationship with me then at least make sure I make you're list of Top Ten Favorite Things.

I don't like, nor do I appreciate, being the object of your affection only when it is convenient. If my loyalty to you causes me to go out of my way to demonstrate it, then I expect the same in return. I don't do acquaintances.

What Makes You Happy?

Everybody has periods of unhappiness, right? Sometimes I find myself in the middle of one of those periods and I ask myself, "what makes you happy?" Seems like it should be an easy question to answer, but it’s not. If it was, we wouldn't have a growing industry devoted to the prescription of medications for depression. So, I turned to a group of experts. The following is from the University of Arkansas Cooperative Extension Service with my comments in parenthesis:

"Would winning the lottery make you happy? (Hell, yeah!) Not likely. (Liar!) According to David G. Myers, a happiness researcher, money does not buy happiness. (Hey, Mr. Myers, you obviously have never met me!) Rich people are no more happy than people with average incomes. In addition, older people are neither less nor more happy than young people. And men have no advantage over women. (No joke?) So who is happy?

"Only about 10-15 percent Americans identify themselves as truly happy. (Ironically, the poverty rate in America, as cited in the Census Bureau’s 2005 report is 13.5 percent, so maybe money doesn’t make you happy?) Certain personality traits, such as extroversion (got it), agreeableness (working on it), and conscientiousness (uhm ...), are related to happiness. However, in the right situation, anyone can be happy.

"Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (How happy can he be? He has a name nobody can spell or pronounce.) has observed that people are most satisfied with life when their work and leisure life provide them opportunity to use their skills. (But what if don't have any skills?) Somewhere between the anxiety of being overwhelmed and the apathy of being bored is the ideal mix called "flow." Happy people have more flow. (And folks like me who go from one extreme to the other without any rhyme or reason? Oh yeah, we're bi-polar.) They are appropriately challenged in ways that allow them to personally contribute.

"Happiness has also been linked to meaningful relationships. (Ah ha! I’ve always said happiness is a gift one’s loved ones give to him or her. So if you’re unhappy, blame the people you love! It's their fault, for not fulfilling your need to be happy. If you have no loved ones, blame your mother.) Individuals who are happy are supported by close relationships with family members, friends, and fellow employees. Such relationships help fulfill our need to belong to something bigger than ourselves. (Say, for example, a cult! Time Magazine had it right!) The network of friends and family also provides us with opportunities to help or be helped. If we are to maintain a healthy balance in life, we will eventually need help from others. Perhaps this partly explains the finding that married individuals, both male and female, are on average happier than single individuals. (And a butt-load happier than divorced, separated or widowed people!)"

Brothers Are Still Brothers

Here's one reason why I just love Queen Elizabeth II:

Queen quotes Groucho as she thanks nation for its support
By Alan Hamilton
The Sunday Times

IF GROUCHO MARX declined to join any club that would have him as a member, would he have wanted to live in a country whose otherwise dignified head of state quoted his jokes?

The Queen was in playful mood yesterday as she addressed a grand lunch given by the Lord Mayor of London to celebrate her 80th birthday, and the 85th of her husband, attended by the Prime Minister, the Archbishop of Canterbury and Sir Cliff Richard among 350 distinguished guests.

Appreciative laughter filled the gold and white Egyptian Hall in the Mansion House, the Lord Mayor’s official residence, when, in a reference to her own advancing years, she repeated one of the late screen comedian’s aphorisms: "Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough."

A wonderful and spirited quote from the Queen of England. You can always find a Marx Brothers quote for any occasion. My favorite Groucho quote currently is, "A man is only as old as the woman he feels." Naw ... you can just guess how old I am.

The Marx Brothers are still in the news, nearly thirty years since Groucho's death. I also read a recent article about Bob Martin, who co-wrote the book and is featured in the Broadway hit The Drowsy Chaperone. When asked about his favorite musicals, he gave this reply:

"Well, because I grew up in Canada, far away from Broadway, most of my knowledge came from the movies. I especially liked the Marx Brothers in Animal Crackers and Coconuts, which started out as Broadway musicals. Both of those were big inspirations for The Drowsy Chaperone, where not every performer is supposed to be the greatest. You look at some of the people in the Marx Brothers movies and you say, "Wow, for her to get a part, Chico just had to be sleeping with her."

Every so often people note the similarity between the Marx Brothers and the Talented Talent Brothers. Well, there are some similarities but they're not all done consciously. Not that I would put us anywhere in a league with the sheer comic brillance of the Marx Brothers, but both groups feature brothers. Mel keeps pointing out the what little plot there is in Weasel Erotica could have just as well been in A Day at the Races. My alter-ego Professor Wagstaff is a nod to Groucho (his character in Horsefeathers had the same name) and the character Ms. Rittenrotten is an obvious nod to Margaret Dumont (Mrs. Rittenhouse in Animal Crackers). Hey, if you're gonna steal, steal from the best.

So folks tend to ask, which one of you is Groucho? Which Harpo? Which Chico? Well, I'm not sure. I grew up a Groucho fanatic, so in performance I'm very much the Groucho. Tony, by default, functions as our Zeppo (poor, poor Tony) but gets alot more action that ol' Zep ever did. Mo frequently has played characters that are quite similar (minus the bad Italian accent) to what Chico played in the later movies. I guess those silly weasels are our Harpo. Hey, we even have a sexy seductress who puts Thelma Todd to shame.

Off-stage we all try to be Chico (Marx Brothers fans get it) but wind up all-to-often just playing W.C. Fields.